No. 11: The Moment I Realized I Wasn't Lazy—I Was Carrying Too Much

Rewriting the Story of Laziness

For so long, I believed the lie.

That my slowness meant weakness.

That my need for rest meant failure.

That the undone dishes or unfinished tasks proved I just wasn’t disciplined enough.

I wore the word lazy like a hidden label.

Ashamed of it.

Afraid of it.

Convinced it was true.

But it wasn’t.

Not Lazy—Just Carrying Too Much

The day I finally stopped and looked closer, I saw it clearly:

I wasn’t resisting because I didn’t care.

I was resisting because I was carrying too much.

The weight wasn’t just physical.

It was emotional.

Mental.

Invisible.

The endless to-do lists.

The constant caretaking.

The unspoken responsibility of holding everyone else’s needs before my own.

No wonder my body kept collapsing under the load.

No wonder I moved slower than I thought I “should.”

I wasn’t lazy.

I was overloaded.

What My Body Was Really Saying

When I called myself lazy, my body was saying something else entirely.

It was saying:

– You are holding more than one person can hold.

– You are mistaking depletion for lack of willpower.

– You are forgetting that emotions weigh something, too.

– You don’t need more discipline—you need more care.

– You are worthy of rest without earning it.

It wasn’t a character flaw.

It was a signal.

A truth I had been ignoring.

Redefining Rest

Rest is not laziness.

Rest is repair.

Rest is what allows me to carry with strength instead of resentment.

Now, when the word lazy tries to creep in, I pause.

I remind myself:

I am not lazy.

I am carrying a lot.

And I get to set some of it down.

A Quiet Reminder for You

If you’ve ever whispered the word lazy to yourself in shame—please hear this.

You are not lazy.

You are carrying more than anyone can see.

And your body is asking for care, not criticism.

The next time you feel the weight pressing down, try asking:

• What am I carrying right now that I don’t need to hold alone?

• Where can I lay something down before I collapse under it?

• What if rest is not proof of laziness—but proof of wisdom?

You don’t need to do more to prove your worth.

You are already enough.

And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is stop carrying what was never yours to hold.

This month, I’m learning to rewrite the story of laziness.

To see the truth beneath the shame.

To honor the weight my body has been holding.

And to remember that strength is not in doing it all—but in knowing when to finally put it down.

—Steph