No. 24: How I'm Learning to Love Myself Without Performance

Letting Worth Be Inherent

For most of my life,

self-love felt conditional.

I loved myself when I was productive.

When I was useful.

When I was holding everything together.

When I rested,

doubted,

or needed help,

that love quietly disappeared.

The Cost of Performing

Performance taught me to be palatable.

Capable.

Strong even when I wasn’t.

It taught me to earn my own approval

by doing more,

being better,

needing less.

But love that only shows up

when you’re functioning

isn’t love.

It’s evaluation.

A Different Practice

Now, I’m learning to stay with myself

even when nothing is being accomplished.

To offer kindness

on the days I feel scattered or unsure.

To speak to myself the way I do to my child —

with patience,

with reassurance,

without conditions.

Self-love, I’m learning,

is less about confidence

and more about loyalty.

Letting Love Be Quiet

Some days, self-love looks like rest.

Other days, it looks like honesty.

Most days, it looks like not abandoning myself

when things feel messy.

I don’t need to perform to be worthy of my own care.

A Reminder for You

If you’re tired of earning your own love,

you’re allowed to stop.

You don’t need to be impressive

to be deserving.

Let love meet you

where you already are.

If you’re practicing this too,

you’re not alone.

—Steph